Review of selected filmography of Hulk Hogan from Oleg Chernenko

13.10.2023TonychTG

Terry Jean Bollea, better known as “Hulk” (i.e. Ambal) Hogan is a cult personality, while in his homeland he is known and loved as a wrestling star, somehow this show didn’t catch on here, plus, Hogan’s popularity peaked in the 80s, when most of us had never heard of this very wrestling. In our country, he is remembered by the masses as a film actor.

A biopic is being filmed about this charismatic guy, where he will play Chris Hemsworth (not the worst choice, by the way), and this already suggests that the citizen left his mark on the sand of time. Considering also the mark from the sole of the hero-sized boots, which he left on the faces and asses of numerous beaten on-screen enemies, and also taking into account his considerable popularity among our boys of the 90s, plus the fact that the Hulk is somehow connected with sports - it would be a sin not to do review of the filmography of this movie fighter. So, let's go according to the standard scheme.

General features of creativity:

1. Most of Hogan's films are formally action films, but often they are children's films, not even for teenagers, but aimed at very young children. That is, in the presence of very active massacres, chases, explosions and shootings, they, as a rule, do without corpses.
2. The staging of fight scenes in films with a famous wrestler, alas, is quite mediocre. I think this is not Hogan’s fault, but rather the overall low quality of the projects in which he starred. With due diligence and desire, some good could come of it, for example in the same "Rocky 3", where the Hulk has a "guest" role, he looks quite agile and his fight with Sylvester Stallone even more memorable than Rocky's final boxing match with Clubber. But alas, in most cases these are rather clumsy fights, where Hogan looks overweight, slow, and clumsy. And the production itself does not look like a scheduled choreographic duel, but rather like a set of some individual crookedly glued techniques with long pauses between them.
3. Our hero mainly uses wrestling techniques (logical, right?), but at the same time does not disdain strikes in the spirit of martial arts. In some places there are high kicks, spinners and even jumping kicks (no, not drop kicks, which are very typical for wrestling, but something in the karate/taekwondo style). Looks strange. Very often the emphasis is on the actor's remarkable physical strength, so that in the lion's share of films there is some scene where he breaks chains or overturns a car. If Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (who, IMHO, is VERY inferior to the hero of the article in charisma), with his powerful build, looks dexterous and agile in the movie (even if he is duplicated, for example Marko Zaror, like in a movie "Treasures of the Amazon"), then the imperishable films with Hogan, alas, are ungodly outdated morally in all aspects. Although it is not entirely correct to compare the films of The Rock and the Hulk: they were shot at different times and with disparate budgets, but what I mean is that if a conditional zoomer wants to join the beauty and watch a couple of movies with Hulk Hogan, you will be clearly disappointed.
4. Charisma. This is what REALLY compensates for the previous shortcoming - this is the bright charm and colorfulness of the Hulk Hogan. Despite the fact that in places he noticeably overacts, demonstrating extreme expression, absolutely fierce facial expressions and extreme brutality, this is not a bug, but a feature. At the same time, Hogan’s image and energy are exceptionally kind, even if he makes a brutal face, puffs up his eyes and noisily lets out air, pursing his lips a la Alexander Nevsky (holy, holy!). It is not surprising that in wrestling he had the image of a “face”, i.e. a positive hero, a shirtless guy (though not always). It was on this image that he built his film career. I have a sneaking suspicion that he simply did not want to play villains, for fear of ruining his sculpted image of a kind of good-natured thug. Perhaps, if he had chosen a different path, his film career would have turned out differently, but that’s anyone’s guess.
5. In films with Hulk Hogan there is a recurring and frankly annoying feature - this is some super-strong enemy, usually a mutant with a height of 2.10+ and a weight of 145+, who will either attack the hero, or the GG will win, using sneaky tricks and breaking chairs or vases on the enemy. Even as a child it infuriated me, and even more so when I started watching MMA. Where is some Mirko Filippovich breaks the monstrous Bob Sapp with the help of cool striking techniques (when Sapp was still fighting and not playing the role of a punching bag) or Fedor Emelianenko, taking on a painful hold Choi Hong-man, which is more than 50 kg heavier than him. And in films with Hogan, one gets the feeling that the hero defeats opponents solely due to his weight advantage and, if he comes across a larger opponent, he shamefully loses. Ugh, what disgusting.

Now for specific films.

Thunder in Paradise (dir. Douglas Schwartz, 1993-1995)

A cult series in Russia, although its rating on imdb is below par. The second such similar case I know of with the series VIP ("Girls with Character") with Pamela Anderson, which many of us love. Apparently, stupid Americans simply did not appreciate Pam's amazing dramatic talents and outstanding performance. well and "Thunder in Paradise" we watched... if I say that all of them were boys in Russia in the 90s, I wouldn’t be lying too much. The project is purely fanservice: except for the Hulk and the son of the great Jack Lemmon - Chris is in the lead roles; recognizable movie stars of those years appear in the series. That Lauren Avedon, then Panteleimon... sorry, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, then famous wrestlers, including the colorful Sting (Steve Bordem). At the same time, there are giant explosions that I adored as a child, beach exotica (sea, palm trees, sand), beautiful women, even among the extras, recruited in such a way that Vasya Pupkins looked with their pants bulging out in the area of ​​​​the fly. And, of course, the coolest boat, the same “Thunder” - a techno-fetishist’s dream, stuffed with sophisticated electronics, armored and with a minigun.

The question arises: why is the series not a masterpiece? Well... VERY weak action: all the shootouts, fights, chases seemed cool when I was 10 years old, but watching them now it’s hard not to squint. Here the characteristic Hogan trick was fully manifested - both heroes and enemies shot so much ammunition that it would be enough for a year's supply of the armed forces of the Central African Republic, but few received even a scratch. The only exception is the episode with "Vietnamese flashbacks".

There are also a lot of fights, but they are all built on the principle of “Hulk Hogan throws enemies in all directions or distributes simple punches and clumsy kicks, while pathetically demonstrating his heroic strength, bending, for example, the barrel of an M-16 assault rifle or uprooting a huge tree”, or exchanges extremely clumsy stars with huge mutants, for a change using heavy objects as an “additional argument”.

The scripts for the episodes do not sparkle with originality and partially copy "Die Hard"then "Indiana Jones"then "Universal Soldier", and in one there is generally an invisible monster with an energy weapon - they went too far with science fiction and rip-off "Predator". But in general, due to the really good chemistry of the main characters and the advantages listed at the beginning, as well as a nostalgic flair, the series takes pride of place in the top projects Hulk Hogan.

Suburban Commando (dir. Burt Kennedy, 1991)

Oh... I am extremely biased towards this masterpiece, simply because this is, perhaps, the first foreign film that I have seen in my life. Recreation center, club, 1993, videotape with one-voice translation and he is the alien special forces soldier Ramsey Shep performed by the Hulk. What a masterpiece this film seemed to me! I must say that all the visitors to the video salon laughed at the jokes, and I, being a young back-biter, watched the film as if... if I had now met a live tyrannosaurus on the street.

A lot of memorable moments, especially the finale, where the villain, General Sutor, turned into a creepy alien monster, oh...! Hulk Hogan plays the most exaggeratedly brutal character. Despite the fact that he is obviously comical, at the age of 5 I wanted to be like him, and, leaving the club, I began to strain my bitsukha: damn, do you look like that? No, not really, eh... Of course, years later I rewatched it...

The action, of course, is not very good: the beginning is in the spirit "Star Wars" for the poor, typical Hogan fights... In general, an average-quality comedy-fantasy children's action movie, however, it works due to simple but working jokes, Hogan's charisma and cool acting Christopher Lloyd. I watched it twice with pleasure. The ending with the scary monster still makes me uneasy, by the way. Probably in terms of fame, this is the second film with the Hulk after "Thunder in Paradise".

Assault on Devil's Island 1-2 (dir. Jon Cassar, 1997, 1998)

Hellish thrash that I loved as a child. Supposedly a cool super action movie (as they liked to write on cassettes, there are also three exclamation marks that cringe is unthinkable). Canadian category "B" is like the American one, only worse. Well, it’s kind of like Nepalese or Bangladeshi cinema - Indian one to one, only without a budget. Which is completely unpleasant, in both parts "Attacks" a lot of famous movie stars and simply interesting actors flashed by: Billy Blanks (in the first part), Trevor Goddard (a colorful and underrated citizen) - also in the first. And in both: the lead singer’s wife KISS - model Shannon Tweed, old school action actor Karl Weathers, no less old-school action actor (but category B) - Martin Cove in an unexpectedly positive and slightly comical role. But the duology - oh, what a hat.

The films looked spectacular in my childhood, now they look like the standard of idiocy: almost everything is bad, not to mention the poor script a la another series Call of Duty, but also from an action point of view.

In the first part, the Hulk demonstrates strange training a la “kung fu”, but you won’t get any normal fights with him. Billy Blanks looked 500 times more lively and dynamic, distributing cheerful jumping kicks, while Hogan in the fight with him barely moved from foot to foot, and with Trevor Goddard They didn’t bother to stage a normal fight at all - it was a misunderstanding. In the second part - the same garbage, even worse. Alas, few "serious" action films with Hogan (these and "Ultimatum", which was filmed by the same Maltese John Cassar) turned out to be a completely unwatchable mess.

McKinsey Island (dir. Sam Firstenberg, 1998)

Alas, it’s also rubbish - the worst film with Hogan (after "Three Ninjas: Hot Afternoon on Mount Mega"), which is difficult to praise for anything other than beautiful tropical views, and even then, nature did its best, and the filmmakers, having such locations and a plot that was conducive to adventure, filmed something incomprehensible and unbearably dreary.

At the same time, the Hulk plays a rather shabby fighter, who is defeated in hand-to-hand combat TWO times during the film, and one of the opponents is actually some kind of scumbag! Are you crazy, authors?! There are no funny jokes, the villains are poorly caricatured and annoying, the action is towards the end and it's absolutely boring. uranium he hates this film fiercely and asked me to ride on it with a roller skating rink, but I have "McKinsey Island" does not evoke any special feelings - it is simply empty, empty.

Strongman Santa Claus (dir. John Marlowski, 1996)

Most films with XX have a rather low rating on imdb, but this masterpiece is especially lucky - less than three points. And I don't understand why. The film is frankly a children's action movie, but quite enjoyable. I watched it for the first time when I was about 11, and re-watched it when I was over 20, and I liked the main character - an eccentric rich man with a kind heart, well, seriously, a smart guy. Helps the kids, comically punches the faces of cartoonish villains who, unlike "McKinsey" here they came out just cool.

And most importantly, it looks cheerful. What is so terrible about the film that the viewer gave it less than three points - I don’t understand. And here the kids at least don’t humiliate the hero as in "Mister Nanny". Just an adventure children's movie, not at all disgusting.

No Rules (dir. Thomas J. Wright, 1989)

This is definitely an interesting film. To begin with, wrestling is presented as a real competition, a la MMA. Before the spread of mixed martial arts, this feature was very often used in cinema in the USA and Mexico. Now that the last Vasya Pupkin has seen a couple of fights, give or take, he won’t take the wrestling clownery seriously.

But! With all this, wrestling is a sport that requires serious physical training, workload and certain skills, so people who do this deserve respect in every possible way. By the way, there is a nuance - very often when translating films and TV series, the word “wrestling” is mistakenly adapted as wrestling, although it is simply “wrestling”. Specifically, what we call wrestling is called “professional wrestling” or simply “pro-wrestling” in English.

Here, in the film, this same wrestling is presented as some kind of real-life, non-staged competition, while there is also an underground version of it, where a greedy and immoral producer wants to lure the hero (here the showbiz representatives were shown to be outright ghouls). I watched the film when I was 12 years old and I remember it EXTREMELY for the colorful role of the villain Zeus played by Tommy Lister (kingdom of heaven), who had a very ironic nickname Tiny (Tiny), and this is almost 2 meters tall and weighs under 150 African-American citizen. And it must be said that Lister-Zeus, as well as the scumbag producer, who, although reminiscent of the caricatured capitalist, as they were sometimes portrayed in Soviet propaganda films, both of them pull the blanket of interest on themselves, while Hogan's blandly positive hero looks too correct and does not evoke any special feelings, with the exception of one dramatic moment when she sheds a tear. An unexpected performance and... you know, very good! Not Jack Nicholson or Daniel Day-Lewis, but the scene was played well and did not cause rejection; on the contrary, I sympathized with the hero and hated his enemies - immoral psychopaths.

The fights in the film are downright stupid. Both the villains and the hero fight in the “itch your shoulder” style, without the slightest ingenuity, and the final battle is a hymn to heroic OVERCOMING, as if Rocky had been mediocrely slapped, but the amount of damage the hero receives is increased 10 times, because SUCH fools (and Zeus on during training, he splits cinder blocks with his fists) not a single living person in this galaxy can withstand. It was also amazing that in the underground fights, Zeus fights in one of the fights against a dude with a SLEDGEHAMMER. Damn, are you serious? At the same time, heavyweights, sweeping each other without any restrictions at all, rarely even get a black eye - no bloody muzzles beaten into meat, swollen with hematomas.

But despite all the cringe, surprisingly, the film is not bad in some places: dramaturgically, acting, some criticism of showbiz, as well as an extremely colorful role Tiny Lister. I also remember the moment when one of the fighters in underground battles breaks through a huge tin keg of beer with his finger and laps up the foamy drink from there. Looks cool, but San Sanych is from "Don't be afraid, I'm with you" I wouldn't approve.

Three Ninjas: Hot Afternoon on Mount Mega (dir. Sean McNamara, 1998)

Oh... I've seen a lot of hats in my life, but THIS is just the standard of stupidity and bad taste. There are films that are so bad that they amuse you with their wretchedness, but sometimes THIS is an unimaginable, monstrous crap from the first to the last frame. This film is from a series of films about professional chess players. Okay, just kidding. From the title it is clear that it is about ninjas, or more precisely about ninja children.

Hogan appears only in this part of the franchise in the role of showman Dave Dragon - a minor role, and even more of a sucker and nonentity than in the idiotic "McKinsey Island". As soon as our hero Terry Gina Bollea is going to screw someone, you are already preparing for the mess, and, bam, he is knocked out or captured, and 99% of the work of taming and bringing down terrorists is done by those same ninja children.

There is a suspicion that the authors wanted to make fun of the image of a “tough guy”. Like, in life and in movies and TV shows, this is not the same thing... The idea is sound, but even a toxic-addicted cockchafer would have implemented it better. If in other bad films with Hogan everything infuriates except him, then here even he infuriates - I think it’s an outstanding achievement. Worst film with the hero of the article, absolute slop. The incredible wretchedness of everything: from the script to, sorry Ahura Mazda, the action.

Spy Club (dir. John Marlowski, 1996)

Film from the same category as "Strong Santa" (even directed by the same director with the excellent surname Marlowski). Yes, so-so, but there is no ardent rejection, in some places it’s even watchable.

Quite a lot of shooting, explosions, Hulk's mustache, one energy cannon with the power of the Grad MLRS, not enough fights, sense - zero point, horseradish tenths. It’s funny that here the hero first knocks out one of the villain’s henchmen with a couple of blows, and in the end loses the fight to him - complete absurdity. Well, maybe the bastard pumped up levels 20 in an RPG and took the super-strike perk on the scoreboard, while the Hulk was messing around with the kids - I don’t know.

Ultimatum (dir. Jon Cassar, John Strong, 1998)

"Serious" action movie and worse than "Assault on Devil's Island" It's an unbearably boring mess throughout, but this is one of the few films where Hogan has his hair cut short.

And in "Assault on Devil's Island", what I forgot to note is that he doesn’t have his signature mustache. For some reason, director Kassar decided that changing the actor’s appearance would be beneficial, but in the case of these films, the Hulk just lost some of his charisma and colorfulness, and given that his role is depressingly serious, like the movie itself, then... You understand.

And yes, the action here is even worse than in the ones mentioned "Islands".

Mr. Nanny (dir. Michael Gottlieb, 1993)

It’s impossible to say that I hate this film, but the positive feelings when I watched this masterpiece at the All-Russian Academy of Arts were fairly mixed with irritation. It's all the fault of the kids who mock GG, but he tolerates it. Moreover, they mock so much that in real life a person would simply become disabled, but young creatures don’t give a damn.

And if Kevin is from a series of films "Alone at home" crippled thieves, whom you don’t really feel sorry for, then here the major children mock a man who did nothing to them, and in the end went to save them from bad radishes. In gratitude for this, they also played a dirty trick on him before the credits.

I would like to see an alternative version of the film, where the little bastards would be slaughtered for their organs - that would be a happy ending. Moreover, one of the mockers is a school nerd who is being bullied, which makes his ugly actions towards the hero Hulk even 100 more disgusting. But overall... This is a pretty cheerful movie, sometimes funny and dynamic, with caricatured villains and an equally caricatured hero - a blockhead with not the highest IQ, but fair and kind.

Rocky III (dir. Sylvester Stallone, 3)

I'm not a fan of the series "Rocky". I am especially irritated by the wife of an outstanding boxer and all these dull conversations and reflections characteristic of various kinds of sports dramas. But this is individual: someone likes it, okay.

Here, of course, this could not be avoided, but at the same time a lot of time is devoted to the friendship of Rocky and former rival Apollo, which I liked, and interesting topics are also touched upon: when a manager sets up obviously weak opponents (sorry, I won’t give examples from real life, but this is quite common), as well as the fact that a “hungry” enemy beats a well-fed and accomplished one.

Stallone himself has this as one of his favorite films in the Rocky series, and rightly so. Mister T, by the way, is wonderful, unlike Apollo (Carl Weathers), who is a poser, but generally kind, his hero, Clubber Lang, is extremely evil and incredibly brutal, just falling short of caricature.

As for Hogan, he is also wonderful here; in general, it is obvious that the “wrestling” scene was introduced for fan service due to the popularity of the show, but it was woven in with high quality, brightness, and interestingness.

Of course, these aren't all Hulk movies. There was a cameo in Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1991), where he hilariously broke the fourth wall. There was a series of "Cool Walker" - she's... terrible. The Hulk never got into a fight there, and the episode itself looks like fierce Christian propaganda (Chuck himself is very devout and there were such episodes in “Walker” more than once). I probably missed something else. But in general, I would like to say - thanks to Comrade Hogan for our happy childhood and nothing else!

Oleg MapintasBangis Chernenko

Especially for fight-films.info

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Tags: Billy Blanks, Karl Weathers, Christopher Lloyd, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Lauren Avedon, Martin Cove, Mr. T, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Trevor Goddard, Hulk Hogan

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